she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
