ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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