I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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