have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
