Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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