Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
