my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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