I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
