Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
