K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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