Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
