i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
