i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I am naked and annoyed.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
