Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Randomize
