Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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