Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I need help removing her.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
