Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
My liver just had a heart attack.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
