I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
