it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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