shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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