nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
