It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
