I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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