it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
