he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
