cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
