Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
What drink are we having for lunch?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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