There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
