oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
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