i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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