What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
