Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
