Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
