Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
