Just fell off a train. Bad.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
That reminds me...we need to get swords
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
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