I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
