You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
