Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
