How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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