also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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