so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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