Cold hands, warm shart.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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