Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
