You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
