I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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