I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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