yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
