I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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