I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
