I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
operation harelip BJ is a go
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Randomize
