ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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