she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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