Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Randomize
