And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
