I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
