You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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