I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
