This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
