tell your sister to shave her snatch
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
