No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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