oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
