woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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