everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
