is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
It's blow job season.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
