she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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