You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
