Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
