the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
