my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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