Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
