even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I had to cum in my sink.
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