Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
it's great music for shaving your balls
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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