i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
