so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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