I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize
