i jhust puked up my retainher.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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