end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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