Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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