I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Pappa wants mamma naked
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
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