So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
im six kinds of drunk right now
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
