like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
