she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
