he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
